Ticket to Write – 45

Beautiful

I wasn’t sure whether I should put this one in. It took me by surprise a little; while I usually do write what I’m thinking, I hadn’t realized this was quite so close to the surface. But it’s here, because I want the collection to be complete, and… because honesty, in a weird way.
(I’m graduating today. I get a piece of paper that says there is significantly more to me than my looks.
Rock on.)

 

Beautiful_double

Progress is measured in
the hitching up of
successively smaller jeans
& moving rings up
ring-middle-index fingers
in links removed
from a wristwatch band.
Cycling for hours
& ‘I’m fine until
my hands start trembling’
go only so far
because build muscle
& lose weight
are mortal enemies.
Joy is
prominent clavicles under a shirt
standing topless in the bathroom
admiring my ribs
the knowledge that today
I have eaten three ginger biscuits. (Total.)
Shame is
thighs brushing together
under my skirt
slouching, & finding rolls of fat
Carbohydrates. Extra toast.
‘Remember, darling, it hurts
to be beautiful.’
I do not think
I have hurt myself enough.

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About coruscantbookshelf

"A writer is an introvert: someone who wants to tell you a story but doesn't want to have to make eye contact while doing it." - Adapted from John Green
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6 Responses to Ticket to Write – 45

  1. sarahtps says:

    Ok, so I know this is poetry and poetic license and sometimes people exaggerate for the sake of art, but- are you ok? Because some of the lines in this poem are making me a little worried for you- about “admiring your ribs” and “I do not think I have hurt myself enough.” Because, yes, being healthy and fit and all that takes effort, but I think if you’re actually hurting yourself you’re going too far. And I know that I don’t know the whole situation or anything, but- yeah. I just wanted to make sure you’re ok.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Building muscle and losing weight are polar opposites because muscle weighs more than fat. After all the exercising I’ve done to gain strength for ballet I’ve only lost three pounds in total. BUt my waist decreased by like two inches.
    But sincerely, from all of the pictures I’ve seen of you, you’re quite slender really, and really pretty. Don’t hurt yourself. Exercise is good, and eating less sweets can be good for you too, but there’s positive weight loss and negative weight loss and you want to make sure that it’s the positive you’re working towards.

    Like

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